Be True To Your Dreams

I wrote this on the plane going home for Christmas before I found out where I would be serving for the Peace Corps. December 2nd.

“Be True to Your Dreams”

This line has played a dominant role in my life. When I was younger, my sister used to love the poem – “Be true to your dreams, for if dreams die, life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly" - Langston Hughes. My love for this poem was initially because I was the little sister, so I loved it because my older sister loved it. I idolized her and wanted to be her, so of course I loved everything she loved and tried to do everything she did. But, as I grew up, that poem stayed with me. My sister even framed it for me for one birthday. I have always had big dreams, and everyone around me has always been so supportive in telling me I can achieve anything I want to. And the poem is so simple and true. “Be true to your dreams” – that is the way to live life, otherwise life is not worth living.

My dream has always been to become a reporter for a well-known daily newspaper, which has not happened for me in my life, yet, but I know it will some day. However, as my life has moved forward, my priorities have changed and I have found more dreams. And, I am taking this opportunity in my life to focus on and be true to other dreams and to take the opportunity to live my life.

My freshman year in college, I made a list of 50 things I want to do before I die because some of my other friends were doing it. I’m pretty sure we saw it on a movie or a TV show and decided to follow suit – that is where we got most of our ideas and activities. So, on this list was obviously things like, become a top reporter for the New York Times and win a Pulitzer, but it wasn’t all involving writing. Ok, publishing my book was on there, too, but, on my list were also silly things like throwing a glass of water in some man’s face, punching someone – just to know what those things feel like. As well as riding a horse on the beach at sunset, riding my bike across the United States, and what I have deemed most important for this point in my life: volunteering in a third-world country.

The only thing I have crossed off my list at this point (4-years later) was running a mile in under 9 minutes, but in just a few short months, I will be able to cross one very large thing off the list that I am very excited about. I will be traveling to Central or South America to serve two years in the Peace Corps.

I began filling out the application for the Peace Corps a few years ago, but couldn’t decide if I truly thought it was the right road for me. But, in March, I reached my decision. It was the perfect road for me. I didn’t have any immediate plans in my life – no commitments to a man or a job, so it was at that time that volunteering in a third-world country became my top priority. Not that having those things in my life would have changed my mind at that point. I am pretty hard-headed. When I make my mind up to do something, I go through with it, and unfortunately for them, if I had had a boyfriend or a great job at that time, they would have been put on the back-burner.

I spent a long time working on my application. It was hard. I needed to make sure my essays were just right. I needed the committee to really be able to know what kind of a person I am. I spent a good two months perfecting my essays – that was the hard part. The night I hit submit was intense. It was 8pm Alaska time and I read my essays to my mom for probably the tenth time and I decided to finally just do it. I read through the two essays two more times each, and then did it. I hit the submit button – it was nearly 10pm by then. It was so intimidating. Clicking that button made it all real. I was finally putting myself out there to be judged by a bunch of people I didn’t know, to be deemed worthy of going out into the world and helping people. Were they going to find me suitable? Were they going to read my essays and think I was trying too hard, or that I was just another average Joe not worth their time? Then came the waiting, which as it says all over the Peace Corps Web site is very common when submitting applications and going through the whole process. You have to do a lot of waiting.
However, I was pretty shocked when only 2 weeks later I received a call from my recruiter in Seattle. My application had been selected and I was going to be interviewed the following week. She just needed me to contact my previous employer to remind her about turning in my recommendation because apparently it was not in my file. I called my old boss the minute I hung up the phone and asked her about the recommendation. However, she said she submitted it the day I sent her the link information. She even went in and read me the confirmation letter she received. So, I called my recruiter back and told her that she should have the recommendation, so she went in and checked again, and sure enough, it was there. So, at that point, it was just a matter of calling her the following week for my interview.

The recommendations were actually the easiest part of the application process - I even ended up with two too many. I’m not sure if all of them were read, or if they just chose three to read, but it was a great feeling knowing everyone that I asked to turn one in, did. There was always the possibility that someone would be too busy or just wouldn’t want t do it, so I asked five people. Having them all turn one in – and submit them in a matter of days - I couldn’t believe it. The fact that they all had enough faith in me to make me their top priority and to submit a recommendation for me wholeheartedly made me feel pretty amazing!

The interview was intimidating. Because I live in Alaska, and there is no Peace Corps recruitment office in Sitka, I had to do a phone interview. So, I had to convince someone over the phone the type of a person I am, and that I would make a great asset to their volunteer team. I didn’t have the opportunity to meet her face-to-face, which would have made things so much easier, I think. Over the phone, you can’t get a full 100 percent sense of a person. You can’t see facial expressions and hand gestures to see how excited someone is when talking about certain subjects, so basically I had to impress this woman purely on spoken word, which I have actually never had to do. I am a writer - always have been. I have not had a lot of occasions where I have had to talk to people and persuaded them of anything – I never took speech in college, which I realize now that maybe I should have. I have always been the type of person to write things down. Even when I had to call and make an important phone call growing up, I would write out what I was going to say ahead of time. Even when I broke up with my college boyfriend – yes I did it over the phone – but I wrote out everything I was going to say before I dialed the numbers so I would know fumble or falter. Back to the point. The idea of a phone interview scared the crap out of me. Thankfully my interviewer was very nice. She didn’t sound much older than me, and she made the interview very conversational, but still asking all the hard questions like – Why do you want to be in the Peace Corps? Seems like such a simple question yet, it is a hard one to answer. For me anyways – it was basically just living my life that eventually brought me to joining the Peace Corps. There was never a moment that I was like “This is what I am going to do and this is why.” It was just something that over time I realized more and more how much I wanted to travel to another country and help a community in every way that I could. It was just something always in the back of my mind that one day I finally decided to act on and fill out the application. Obviously there are the basic things like, wanting to help people and make the world a better place, but man do those things sound cliché. To be honest, I don’t even really remember how I answered that question. I was so nervous after the interview that I hardly remembered one word of it. I must have sad some ok things because at the end of the interview she told me she didn’t see any “red flags” and that she was going to go ahead and nominate me. I was nominated on June 23, 2010. That was the first of many exciting days for me, but again, it was followed by a lot of waiting.

I was a bit of a different case for the Peace Corps, I think. Well, a really don’t know that – I’m sure they get special cases all the time, so maybe I was just part of their normal routine, who knows. All I know is that the next three months of my life were pretty much the longest ever. My special case was that I had just finished a 6-month Chemo treatment for HCV, which was transmitted to me at birth. I found out about it when I was 20, and decided to do the treatment after I finished college. I finished the treatment on March 23, 2010 (double check the date).
When I was contacted again, after nomination, it was early July. So, my first step was to have my final HCV lab tests sent to the Peace Corps so their medical professionals could look at them and tell me what my next step was going to be. I did that, and at the end of July, found out that they were deferring my application tell the end of September, which would at that time be 6-months after I finished Chemo. They wanted me to be HCV free for six months before they would allow me to move on the next stage in the game – the medical review. So, I was instructed to send them a new labs and a letter from my doctor saying I was medically fit to serve in the Peace Corps at the end of Septemeber. Like I said, longest three months of my life.
I, either unfortunately or fortunately –probably depends on who’s looking at me, am not the type of person that can just sit idly by. I need to feel involved, and I always want to be a couple steps ahead. So, I contacted someone in the Medical Review Office and asked them if there was any chance I could get a copy of my medical review kit early, so I could start making my appointments and getting all the tests done that they were going to need me to do, so that in September when my HCV labs were good, I would already be ready for the next step. After a few e-mails back and forth, they agreed to this. I was excited. I was going to get to do something other than just sit around until September twiddling my thumbs. But, a few weeks went by and I still hadn’t received anything in the mail, so I contacted the medical office again. She hadn’t sent it yet because she was busy taking care of different crisis that were occurring. I didn’t want to be the annoying person that e-mailed so much that I ended up getting myself kicked out of the running because they decided I didn’t have enough patients, so I stopped pestering the Medical Office. But, I found other ways around that. I Googled the medical review kit and actually found a copy that some had scanned in a year earlier. I figured that they couldn’t have changed that much, so I made my appointments with the doctor, dentist, gynecologist, and laboratory. After my doctor physical, the real med kit finally showed up in the mail, and thankfully, everything was the same, so all I needed to do for that portion, was have the doctor transfer the information to the other form and re-sign it. I had my teeth examined and everything was good on that front, I actually didn’t need to have a gynecology appointment because I had had a lady check-up within a year, so I was able to just get a copy of those forms – thank god – those are not the most fun doctor appointments and any woman reading this will know what I’m talking about. The only thing left was all my laboratory results. I had to get checked for HIV and all the Hepititses, and G2PD – still not even sure what that is, but I know it has to do with my glucose levels. I also needed a new standard blood work up (CBC) to compare to some from when I was doing treatment. I needed copies of all my immunization records and I also needed to be immunized for Polio and get the T-dap and TB shots. And on top of all that, I need another set of liver and HCV labs to ensure I was still clear of HCV. Basically there was just a whole lot of lab paperwork that I needed to make sure I had, and unfortunately my doctor is not the most organized man in the world. I went to the labratory four times. The first time, I noticed that the HCV labs were not included on the order, so I had to get new orders from the doctor and go back and get those drawn. Then when I received copies of all of those results I realized the CBC was not included, so I had to get that ordered and go back to the lab for that. Then, after all of that, I didn’t have anything about the G2PD, so I called the lab and found out that apparently that was lost somewhere. So, I went back and got blood drawn to get that test done. After a week, I called because I couldn’t send in my whole medical packet until I had EVERYTHING, so I was waiting on that one test. Turns out, that test is not one that could be conducted in Sitka, it had to be sent out, which is usually to Seattle, but then they didn’t do that test either, so it was sent to California. It was going to be another week for me to get that test result back – of course.

The following week, my packet was complete and I was able to send it in. To fax or to mail, that was the question. A few more e-mails and I learned that I needed to fax the medical part and snail-mail the dental. The medical section was 30 pages long. It cost $25 to fax that at UPS – CRAZY, especially considering I had tried faxing it for free three times when I was in Sitka (at this point I was in Seattle) and it didn’t go through!

Two weeks after submitting my medical kit, I was in San Francisco with family and found out I was cleared medically! My mom called and read me the letter that had arrived at the house for me. This was another exciting day. I actually did a happy dance when I got off the phone with my mom. My cousin’s thought I was a little weird, but then totally understood when I explained the news I had just been told. The following day, I received an e-mail from the Placement Office asking for an updated resume so they could continue with my application. I got them the information they needed right then, but then heard nothing for another 3 weeks. At this time, I was in Virginia – more family. Yes, I did a lot of traveling the last 2 months, but after a winter of Chemo, working full time and going to school full time, I deserved it! In Virginia, I missed a call from Caleb in the placement office. He said he had some questions about my application he would like to talk to me about. I tried calling him back all that afternoon with no luck. The following morning, I called a handful of times and kept my phone on me constantly. It was of course when I finally decided to get outside and go for a run that he called back, and when I tried returning his call he didn’t answer. After a lot of phone tag, we finally made contact that evening. What I didn’t realize, though, was that this was basically a second interview. It was another opportunity for them to spot any “red flags,” but this time they were catching me off guard. He asked me a lot of the same questions from my initial interview and about concerns I have and challenges I may face. We talked for a good 25 minutes, and at the end of the conversation when I was literally shaking because I was so nervous throughout our conversation, he asked if I had any questions. I always hate when they ask that. I know I’m supposed to have questions, but my brain is always so fried from being so nervous that I can’t think of anything until I hang up the phone. The only one I could think of was just where we go from here? He told me that at this point he felt I was going to be a great fit for the Peace Corps and that he will have my invitation to a county in the mail the following day. He couldn’t tell me where because they don’t like to give you that information over the phone. With the invitation comes a lot of information, so they like volunteers to receive all of the information at one time.

So, at this point, I still only know that I will be going to Central or South America leaving in mid to late February for my training. When I got off the phone with Caleb, I called my mom and told her the news and then literally ran through my Aunts house shouting.

What is next for me? I will be receiving my invitation in the next couple days in Seattle before I go home for Christmas. Then I will be home with my family for three weeks. Then comes the goodbyes. Saying goodbye. This is always something that proves to be challenging, but you never realize how hard it is until it comes time to do it. It is not only something you do to another person, someone you are going to miss dearly and think about often, but sometimes you also have to say goodbye to a home. Alaska has always been my home. Born and raised in small-town Alaska. Yes, I moved away and went to college in Washington and have started somewhat of a life there, but I always returned to Alaska; it has always been my homeport. Now, though, I’m leaving without any definite knowledge of when I will be returning. I might not be back for a couple years.

It’s all going to be hard – leaving my friends, my family, everything that makes up my home in Alaska. Other times when I left, I knew I would be back soon, but this time is different. This time, I am leaving for a third-world country. Granted, I am leaving to join the Peace Corps and take my opportunity to give back to the world, which is going to be the most exciting adventure I will probably ever have. But, I can’t help but wonder about all the trials and tribulations that are going to come with it. The health concerns, the safety issues, and the lack of anything I want being at my finger tips 24/7. Yes, this is going to be an adjustment, but I know I can do it – especially because I know I have the support of my family and friends.

It is hard to imagine what to expect. Each Peace Corps experience is so different. I may end up living in a hut eating rice and beans everyday to survive while teaching kids how to brush their teeth, or I could have a small room in a run-down apartment building and be helping nurses in a hospital. There is just no way to even know at this point. I spent the last six months waiting to learn if I actually get to be a part of this amazing program, and now I finally made it. Now that this time has come, it feels so unreal. Now, come the three longest days of my life – waiting for the parcel that tells me what country I will call home for the next two years. I know that it will be in Central or South America leaving in mid to late February, but I have to wait for the packet they are sending me to learn the country. I am excited and nervous to receive this particular news. I want to know the country so I can start researching and learning about where I’m going to be and what the programs I will be doing are going to be like. But, learning this information will most likely just bring more questions and worries - learning this information will make it all real. But, this is what I have been waiting for, for the last six months. This is the beginning of the rest of my life as the cliché calls it - this is when I actually get to start being true to my dreams.