Goodbyes Are Never Easy

I have never been one for goodbyes, but to be honest, who really likes to say goodbye?

I’ve been instructed not to talk too much about what is going on here in Honduras, but the news has already hit the international scene from different news sources, so I think I am safe saying that in January all the current volunteers in Honduras are being sent back to the United States, while Peace Corps Honduras makes important decision about their future.

So, that being said, I will be going back to the United States in January. I’m not sure yet of the exact date, but it is looking like the second week. There is still a possibility of returning to Honduras, but the program will probably be very different if that does end up being an option. We all just have to wait it out and see what is decided.

What does this all mean for me. It means that I’m left very sad. It is Christmas time and all I can think of is how I have to say goodbye to all the amazing people that I have grown to love and thought I would be living with and helping for the next year an a half. Trying to explain the citation here in Honduras never goes very well because the people in my site don’t understand the extent of the dangers here in Honduras - to them Mexico and Guatemala are 10 times more “dangerous,” but that just isn’t the case anymore. It is hard being in a small site that is very safe. It is one of those “bad things don’t happen here” situations because for the most part they don’t - bad things only happen in the bigger cities and to the narcos. The people in my site think that us US-ers don’t have to worry because all the violence stays between the narcos, but unfortunately it doesn‘t anymore. So, I am doing my best to explain to them why we have to leave and how I am going to miss them all so much. They all still have a lot of hope that I will be able to return, and I hope they are right!!

In addition to having to say goodbye to all the amazing people in my site, I also have to say goodbye to all the other volunteers - a lot of us have grown to be like a family and a support system for each other. I know that when we all go to the States it will be a lot easier to stay in touch with each other than with our Honduran friends. But, the United States is huge, and we are from all over the place. I’ll be over in Washington, and luckily there are a handful of volunteers from the Pacific Northwest, but then there are others all the way over in Massachusetts, Washington DC, the Carolinas, Wisconsin, Philly, Texas, Utah - we are spread out all over the place, and who knows when we will be able to see each other again. Yes, we can talk online and call, but it is a lot different than just being a bus ride away to spend the weekend together!

I have a lot to take in and a lot to think about over the next two weeks while I’m here in Honduras in limbo, waiting for the random updates from Peace Corps.

To look at the bright side of things - I will always have amazing memories from here in Honduras, I can always come back to visit, and I will be seeing my family soon!

I think the hardest part is going to be saying goodbye to all the kids because they are not going to understand...I don't want them to think I'm leaving them by choice!!!! I've grown to love them all so much!!!!

"Important Message From Peace Corps Leadership"

Written Sunday December 18th -

On Friday afternoon, Peace Corps Honduras volunteers received a text message from admin telling us that our country director sent out an e-mail and to please take a look at it. At that moment, my power was out in my site, so I text a couple friends to ask if they could tell me what the e-mail said. However, the people I text were not able to check their e-mail at that time, either. Luckily, my power came back on about a half hour later, so I didn’t have to wait too long. BUT, for some reason my internet was being even slower than normal, and would load g-mail. It took another half hour to get the Webpage loaded, and then when it finally was - "fijese que" there was no new e-mail for our country director.

I got onto Facebook and started chatting with a handful of volunteer friends - and it turns out that my training class H-18 (or possibly just the health group from H-18) were not sent this “important” e-mail from admin. So, as all of us were chatting and speculating about what the e-mail could possibly say, the rest of the volunteers were getting the info.

Some of the chisme (gossip) circulating around was that Peace Corps Honduras was going to be shut down, that new volunteers were not going to be allowed into country, that admin was just announcing the new Safety and Security Officer to replace the VERY missed Juan Carlos. Thankfully a few H-18rs have site-mates who received the e-mail and passed it on to the rest of us.

So, at 8:00pm, three hours after our country director sent out the e-mail, us H-18ers finally received it. It was a very stressful few hours. Speculation and wondering eats at your nerves, but some of the speculations were true - it seems that Peace Corps is suspending the incoming of new volunteers to Honduras due to increased security risks in country.

The e-mail said the following:

“Due to ongoing safety and security concerns, Peace Corps has made the difficult decision to implement some important changes to its volunteer program in Central America - specifically Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras. As many of you are aware, there have been several incidents in recent months across all three posts that threatened the personal safety of individual Volunteers. Consequently we are immediately implementing a series of actions to help mitigate safety and security risks. Today Peace Corps suspended Honduras’ February 2012 training group. In doing so, we are asking staff to redirect its energies to reinforcing the currently safety and security systems in place and to implementing additional measures in support of the recent policy shifts regarding family home stays and travel.

In the coming days, we will be announcing additional actions as we continue our analysis of the operating environments in Central America. Please rest assured that we are taking these initial measures precisely because safety and security of our volunteers is the agency’s highest priority. Our staff in Washington will be working to provide all of you with the support you may need.

We ask in advance for your patience and understanding as we work through the many details that are associated with the changes we are implementing.”

It has been two weeks since one of our volunteers here was shot in an assault on a bus, and this is the first e-mail that we have receive that really says anything. After two weeks of all of us volunteers e-mailing, texting, and calling each other talking about how we thought Peace Corps Honduras handled the situation with the injured volunteer, and what we thought was going to come of it all, it is nice to see some action being taken.

I see this step as a good one. I certainly did not want them to close Honduras completely, sending us all packing, but Peace Corps needed to do something to show that they were accepting the reality of our situation here in Honduras. I am not aware of any of the specifics of El Salvador nor Guatemala, but I do know that Honduras is more dangerous than both of them, as it is currently the most dangerous country in the world that is not at war.

I was told during our three hours of waiting to read the e-mail, that the new training class that was supposed to arrive in Guatemala in two weeks was cancelled, and I had a feeling that would the same fate we were going to be facing. However, because Honduras is more dangerous, part of me was afraid that we might be facing a larger/worse fate - being sent home.

Who knows, though, they said in the e-mail that in the coming days they will be announcing additional actions. I’m curious to see what that means for us volunteers in Honduras. I also heard a rumor that volunteers from Guatemala and El Salvador were not going to be allowed to travel into Honduras - so does that mean that we are not going to be allowed to travel into those countries either? If that is the case, I will be extremely bummed as my mother will be here in a month and we were fully planning on going to both of those countries.

I’m sure that these “additional actions” are going to include a number of travel restrictions in and out of Tegucigalpa and San Pedro Sula, and travel out of your site. Every time those sort of policies get put in place most of us volunteers cringe - yes - we understand why the policies would be implemented, but it just makes us wonder - if we are going to be forced to stay in a little bubble due to the security issues, is it worth trying to keep Honduras open? I know that I am just speculating there, but it would follow the trend of Peace Corps’ normal reaction to situations, so I’m not going to be surprised if we are hit with a bunch of travel restrictions and policies throughout this week.

Like I have said. I do not want to see Honduras get shut down, but then at the same time all of us volunteers are worried about our own personal safety. I, personally, feel very safe in my site, and when I travel to the nearest city to do my grocery shopping, I never feel unsafe. But, traveling to and from San Pedro always puts me a little on edge. And now, after the shooting, I am not in any hurry to travel through La Esperanza, which is always so much easier when I need to go down toward Tegus.

A lot of volunteers have mentioned to me that they think Honduras is going to end up being shut down very soon - and they very well could be right. At this point ,though, I honestly have no idea. It could go either way. But, what ever happens, I don’t think they will be announcing it until after the holiday season. So everyone staying in Honduras - please be cautions when traveling for the holidays, and those of you going back to the States (luckies), I hope that you will all return even with our current circumstances here in Honduras. But, we will all understand if that is not the choice you decide to make.

Updates to come as I receive them.

"a tragic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time"

Written December 6, 2011

I have been debating what I want to say in this blog, or whether I even want to post anything about it for the past week. But, I have so much on my mind that I figured writing about it might make me see things more clearly, and all of you deserve to know what has been going on here in Honduras.

Sunday night, I checked my e-mail before going to bed at about 10pm. I was surprised to see an e-mail about a security incident that had apparently taken place that afternoon. The only information that was shared with us volunteers at that time was:

“Today a PCV was injured in an attempted armed robbery on the Carolina bus between San Pedro and La Esperanza around 12:00pm today. Our volunteer is ok and receiving care in San Pedro. We have multiple staff with the PCV right now. We should have more information tomorrow. Please send your prayers/positive thoughts towards SPS. Thank you.”

The next message I received was actually from another PCV who had received a little more information about the injured volunteer. The PCV spread the word that the injured volunteer was out of surgery and seemed to be doing ok. So it wasn’t until that time, about 10am, that I learned the identity of the injured volunteer. Attached to that e-mail was also an article that ran in the newspaper, so I learned some of the details of the accident - but nothing actually from Peace Corps admin.

All morning and afternoon volunteers were calling and text messaging each other trying to get more information about the accident, as well as tying to decide how they felt about the situation.

It wasn’t until 1pm that afternoon that we had any updates from PC Honduras, which basically summarized the article that had been printed in the newspaper and told us that we should be there for each other and that we should feel free to call anyone in the office if we felt that we need to talk to someone about what happened - as well as the following:

“…at this point this appears to be a tragic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

We finally got a message from our Country Director at 6:30pm, who was currently out of the country at a training-the-trainer workshop. In her message, our CD explained that she had been in communication with the staff in Honduras and that she was very pleased with how they were responding to the situation “It’s marvelous to see staff handle the emergency situation with such a high level of professionalism, competence and compassion.” I don’t want to copy and paste her entire e-mail, but the gist of it is that if any of us volunteers need support after this incident, than the staff is here for us because “supporting safe, healthy, and productive volunteer experiences for you is our number-one job!”

So what happened to the volunteer? She was riding a bus between San Pedro Sula and La Esperanza, and at about noon, half an hour after leaving San Pedro, three guys got up with guns and announced that they were robbing the bus. Another passenger on the bus had a gun and apparently did not want to be robbed, causing a gun fight to break out, with many people being injured in the process - the volunteer being one of them. She was shot in the leg, and transported to the hospital in San Pedro for surgery.

________

For a little refresher/backstory -
About two months ago, we had a lot of policy changes here in Honduras because of “security incidents” and the need to make volunteer safety a higher priority. We were advised about our behavior, which was apparently to “college” for admin - staying out too late, drinking, and walking around large cities at night, things along those lines. These are all things that Peace Corps had deemed high risk factors that us as volunteers could control. So, if we were assaulted because we were out at two in the morning, it was basically our fault because we could have prevented it if we would have just stayed in.

HOWEVR, now we have a security incident that in no way resembles that - a volunteer was on a bus in the middle of the day and got shot - BUT peace corps is calling it a “tragic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Where my problem comes in with all of this, in my opinion, is the fact that Peace Corps is treating this incident as if the volunteer had been in a car accident or something more along those lines - something that was completely out of Peace Corps or Honduras‘s control. But, no, she was on a bus… this is a matter of Honduras being the most dangerous country in the world (that is not currently in a war), but it is as if Peace Corps Honduras doesn’t want to own up to that. In one of the e-mials, admin said “If we learn anything that would result in a need to change policy or travel guidance we will communicate that straight away.” So, as a result of this accident, their response is that they might just need to make another policy change. It seems to me that this is their response to everything - make another rule or policy change that will help to avoid situations like this in the future, but for this particular incident, I don’t think there is really anything that can be done. People have to travel in and out of San Pedro Sula and/or La Esperanza. There is no way to avoid that - we already have been instructed to make sure and not travel at night, especially in and out of San Pedro or Tegus, and this volunteer was certainly not - it was noon on a Sunday.

To make this situation worse, it was brought to volunteers attention the following day that there had actually been two other assaults on the same bus company over that week - but Peace Corps had not informed any volunteers of these incidents.

My question is, what can be done at this point? We live in the most dangerous country in the world that is not currently in a war and the Peace Corps needs to realize that and take responsibility for what happens in this country. Since my training class arrived in out sites, we have heard rumors about Peace Corps Honduras getting shut down if there is “one more serious incident.” But what is “serious” in their eyes? Is it going to take someone dieing for them to realize the gravity of the security situation here in Honduras. I certainly do not want Honduras to get shut down because I am not ready to pack up and go home, but at this point I am just a little disappointed with their reaction to this serious event. We had a volunteer shot, and not a single e-mail had a hint of remorse, and Peace Corps is blaming it on being in “the wrong place at the wrong time.” What if that bullet had hit the volunteer two feet higher and got her in the heart or hit her femoral artery instead of the leg - what would Peace Crops be doing/saying then.

I love living in Honduras and at times forget how dangerous it really is here, but having a friend of mine get shot opened my eyes. And I think it is time for Peace Corps Honduras to open their eyes a little bit as well.

Dia Mundial del SIDA

Dia Mundial del SIDA - written December 2nd

Yesterday, as I hope all of you knew, was World AIDS Day. For the volunteers of the health project in Peace Corps, it is kind of a big day. Not all the health volunteers organize events, but in some way, we all try to inform and educate the people in our communities. I don’t know why, but I got very excited for World AIDS Day this year. I spent a long time planned a whole day of info and activities, got the municipality involved, the nurses from my health center wanted to help, a women from near by came to give her testimony of what it is like to live with HIV - the only thing that was missing in the end, were the townspeople.

One of the info displays I made for World AIDS Day.

I know that I should not have gotten my hopes up for a big turn out, but I really hoped that people would come and show their support - not only support for people living with HIV, but their support for me. I have been living in this town for six months and everyone knew that I was organizing this event, so I had hoped people would come because I was organizing it if for no other reason. I realize know that that was a foolish thing to hope for. As much as people smile and say hi and act excited when I talk to them, it doesn’t change who they are and how they are going to act. And when it comes to things related to HIV, people do not want to be associated with it - people think that if they go to an event about HIV, people with assume they have HIV.

But, this is exactly what World AIDS day is all about - and this year especially. The theme for this year was Llegar a cero - arrive at zero - zero discrimination, zero new infections of HIV, and zero deaths related to AIDS. I was trying to focus on zero discrimination. I had a women living with HIV come to give her testimony, and I was hoping people would come and listen and realize that people living with HIV are just like everyone else. People here in Honduras often think that if someone has HIV you can tell by looking at them, but no, someone with HIV looks just like the rest of it - you could have HIV and not know for a really long time.

So, yesterday, we started late of course - Honduran time. We were going to start at 9am, but we ended up starting around 9:30am. The plan was for a parade through town with signs and the band playing drawing attention to us. About seven members of the band showed up, and there were three drums, which was plenty to make a good amount of noise and get people’s attention. Everyone else that came to the parade were very little kids. I love that they wanted to help, but where were all the adults? There were three walking with Amanda and I - Hector who was helping me, one of his friends from his church, and then the teacher who had to be there because of the instruments the kids had. But, I didn’t let that get me down. We all took a sign and walked through the streets: “If I had HIV would you hug me?” “If your brother had HIV, would you stop loving him,” “stop the incline of HIV - in Honduras there are 39,000 people living with HIV,” “Support people living with HIV,” “Prevent HIV - Abstinence - use a condom,” “Educate yourself, Inform yourself, and Avoid it,,” “The whole world deserves their rights!” And many more. We marched down to the main street and talked to people waiting for buses, and waved our signs at buses driving by - we picked up a few more people and then marched through town. The whole way, I was passing out red ribbons so people could pin them on and show their support for people living with HIV, and we were telling people about the event in the center: information about HIV, a testimony, and free HIV tests.

Part of our parade through town.

After we made it back to the center, it was time for Sra. Sofia to giver her testimony. All the kids stayed to listen because they wanted some of the cake that I had made for the occasion - about four other adults wandered in to listen, too, but part of me thinks it was only because they heard about the cake. I know - what great feelings I have toward Hondurans, right? But, I’m just telling you how I feel.

The ribbon cake I made for Dia Mundial del SIDA.

I’m glad that the kids were there, it was information that they will hold with them their whole lives, I hope. A lot of the kids were in my Yo Merezco class, meaning I had already taught them about HIV, so this event was the perfect experience for them. Hopefully everything Sra. Sofia talked about reinforced everything that I had taught them, and put a face to HIV for them. I feel like, for them, meeting someone with HIV will be something they hold with them their whole lives. My hope is that their generation will not discriminate and hold such a stigma to those who are living with HIV! So, for that I am very glad that so many young people were at the event because it gives me hope for the next generation, but the lack of adult participation just proves all the work that still needs to be done with the current generation. This is exactly the problem. People don’t want to learn about HIV, people don’t want to meet people with HIV - instead when someone finds out that someone else is HIV positive, they fight them, or kill them - unfortunately that happens here in Honduras, and in many countries all over the world. Which, is exactly why I think this year’s theme was so important - Llegar a cero (arrive at zero) - CERO DISCRIMINATION. I just wish that I could have gotten more people in my town involved. I did everything I could. I advertised the event, I talked to people in town about it, I had Hector talk to people about it and we both passed out flyers; I called women in the women’s groups to come, I asked the people in charge of the youth groups to have them young people come. I did everything except walk around town with a microphone announcing it on a loud speaker - which maybe next year I will try to do. So, I need to not get down on myself. I did everything I could to get people involved and I am very grateful to the people that did participate, but it is hard not to get upset about the lack of participation.

After Sra. Sofia’s testimony we were in the center for a couple more hours with information and free HIV tests. Fifteen people ended up coming and getting tested, which after the lack of participation during the morning, I was actually surprised at the number. And, of those 15 people, none of them were positive for HIV - which is very good news!

At 6pm, I had planned another parade with candles to commemorate the people who had AIDS and died because of a sickness they were not able to fight off due to their compromised immune systems. When it was time for me to go down and meet people for the parade, I had lost my ganas (my drive/my excitement) to go because I had a feeling nobody would be there. And, unfortunately, I was right. Nobody was there to meet Amanda and I. We waited about 20 minutes, and then I decided to just make the ribbon symbol out of candles like we had planned and have a moment of silence anyway! As I was setting out the candles a handful of people came and asked what we were doing and helped me light them, then we all had a moment of silence to commemorate the people who had died, and then we waited for the candles to start burning out before we called it a night.

Candle ribbon to commemorate those who have passed away.

I know that this blog might not be the most up beat. But, yesterday was difficult for me. I spent the week preparing for this event, getting so excited, and trying to get other people involved and excited. Then when it came down to it and almost nobody showed up, it hurt. It hurt because nobody could take it upon themselves to be involved in something having to do with HIV, and it hurt because even if people were worried about what other people might think, they still didn’t come to show their support for me. I know this day was not about me - it was about showing support for people living with HIV, informing people about the virus, and trying to reduce the stigma associated with it, but it still hurt that hardly anyone came.

As a Peace Corps volunteer, they tell us not to take these things to heart, that it is a slow process and that we can plan great events and that people won’t come, but that there is nothing we can do about it. All we can do is plan events, inform the people that do come, and hope that they will share the information that they learn with other people. And we have to just realize that at least passed on the information to the few that did participate - but I’m learning that a hard thing to accept/

What keeps me smiling and going from day to day is that I know that the kids are learning all this information. If I can make some sort of mark on their lives while I am hear, I will have done enough - I will feel good about my years volunteering here! I’m looking forward to working with them for the next year and a half!

El Dia de Pavo

Turkey Day - written 26th of November

As most of you know, during my training in the Villa de San Antonio back in March, April, and May, a few up us health volunteers went and visited an orphanage in the nearby city. We went twice, and of course, as some of you may recall, we thought we may have ended up with lice the second time, but after a lice-shampooing, (see previous post from May 3rd “Karma”) we were all in the clear.

For a little bit of back story, this orphanage had had the honor of receiving help and attention from a previous volunteer in the community. He had made an effort to always go and visit the kids, he helped them with a garden, and before he broke his arm (?) and had to go back to the States to get it worked on, he was in the process of helping find funding to do some remodeling to parts of the orphanage that were unsafe and not usable. During his two years working in that community and with the orphanage, he also introduced them to the U.S. Thanksgiving. He brought volunteers from the area into town, cooked an amazing meal, and shared it with the kids at the orphanage and with other Hondurans in the community.

So this year, Glenn, the new volunteer in the community, decided to carry on the tradition, and I was of course one of the volunteers that went to help. We had a few weeks of e-mails back and forth between all the volunteers who decided to go, and we all shared what we would be making so we could be sure and cover all the basics. I took on the stuffing role, and also decided to make my family’s traditional jello salad. (Lime jello with whip cream, cream cheese, and pineapples.)

To make it easier on myself and everyone else who needed to use the one oven available at Glenn’s house, I made my bread crumbs before making the trip down to Glenn’s house. I also barrowed a giant pot from my next-door neighbor so I could make a huge pot of stuffing and not have to fight anyone for the few pots Glenn had.

I traveled to Glenn’s with Amanda, and in Comayagua, we met up with Damarise. We went to the grocery store to buy everything we needed to make our dishes for Thanksgiving Dinner, and then grabbed a bus to Glenn’s. We ended up on one of the “milk run” buses because we couldn’t be bothered to look around the terminal for too long. We had so much stuff with us that we just jumped on the first bus that said the name of the community on it, not paying attention to how many other towns it would be going to first. So an hour and a scenic tour of the department of Comayagua later, we got off the bus and walked the two blocks to Glenn’s house.

I had heard stories about Glenn’s house - how she lived in a “mansion,” but I always assumed people were exaggerating a little bit about Glenn’s living situation. But, upon arrival, the rumors were proved to be true - Glenn certainly does live in a mansion. Ok, not what you would picture a “mansion” in the US, but certainly a mansion in Peace Corps homes terms. There are three double beds and two twin beds, two kitchens, an outdoor patio/living room area, the actual living room, three bathrooms with hot water, a dining room with a table that seats 18, a swimming pool, and a grounds keeper. To be honest, the whole house is not hers. The owner of the house has the bigger half, but Glenn has one double bed, two twins, one bathroom, one kitchen, and the dining room with the 18-person table, as well as access to the swimming pool. In Peace Corps standards, she is living a very different lifestyle than most - my house would pretty much fit into her dining room!

So, after arriving at Glenn’s, and getting the full tour (her landlord was out of town, and because so many volunteers were going to be visiting, she gave us full-use of the house,) we began cooking. Glenn had already been working on pumpkin pies all day, but there was plenty more to be done. Basically the more that could be done on Wednesday, the better, so we had plenty of time for last minute Turkey Day disasters.

I made my jello salad and chopped celery and onions while other people were prepping their own dishes - Lacy peeled and chopped vegetables for salad, Tricia made Snickerdoodles, Adam washed and snapped green beans for is casserole, Nancy made biscuits, Damarise made candies squash (ayote con miel), Jessica made three apple cakes, Glenn finished all the pies, Ali made sangria, and Sam made pasta and bread for dinner that night

Damarise making squash!!!

The plan for the morning was to have the birds in the oven by 10am - and we had four of them. One was getting an herb rub, one a spice rub, and the other two a miso rub. So, I started making stuffing at about 8:30am in order to have it done when the turkey’s were prepped, then we could stuff the herb-rubbed one and send the turkeys off around town to the ovens that were being loaned to us.

~*~

Robin’s Famous Thanksgiving Stuffing

2 cups chopped celery
2 cups chopped onion
4 Stove Top stuffing mixes (turkey or chicken)
2 Bullion cubs
2 cups water
Extra bread crumbs
Giblets from the turkey

*additional optional items: apples, pears, cranberries, raisins, pecans

Mince the heart and liver from the turkey and sauté it with the celery and onion in a pan with butter, follow the instructions on the Stove Top stuffing mixes for how much water and butter to bring to a boil, to that you add 2 more cups of water, two Bullion cubes, the sautéed celery, onion, and giblets, and whatever other optional foods you want to include. Remove it from the heat and add all the Stove Top crumbs, and then continue to add more bread crumbs until the excess liquid is soaked up. If you are stuffing a bird you want it a little dry, but if you are not you want it a little more soft and liquidy, because it will dry a little more when you bake it.

Stuff your bird, and put any extra in a backing dish and bake it for the last hour with the turkey.

~*~

That is my mom’s stuffing recipe that I had only done once before this year. So, I was nervous to make it this year and have so many volunteers and Hondurans judging it. But, I went for it. However, I more than doubled it, so I was extra nervous for how it would turn out.

I had 3 Stove Top stuffing mixes, and two Pepridge Farms (which are a lot bigger than Stove Top), as well as two and a half loves of bread that I had made into bread crumbs while still back in site. So I brought 14 cups of water to a boil with 5 Bullion cubes, and added about five cups of celery, three onions, all four turkey hearts, and two livers (they were big, and liver kind of grosses me out, so I didn’t want to chop any more after the first two). Then I added three chopped pears and a bag of mixed dried fruit (raisins, golden raisins, cranberries, and dried apples). Then it was time to remove it from the heat and add all the bread crumbs. This is what made me nervous - was I going to have more liquid than I had bread crumbs to soak up? I added the Stove Top packages, mixed it, then added the Pepridge Farms and mixed it. I added the half a bag of bread crumbs I had made, then one full one. It was still on the liquidy side, but was almost there. So, then I slowly started adding the last bag of bread crumbs I had. Little by little, the last bit of liquid was getting nice and soaked up, and right as I added the last of my crumbs, I decided the stuffing was right where it needed to be! I had judged the portions correctly and it turned out great. What a relief!

Me finishing the stuffing!

As people started getting up that morning and smelling the stuffing, they said that was when it actually felt like Thanksgiving to them!! I let a couple people try the stuffing, and they said it was great, and then at dinner, everyone loved it, which of course made me very happy!

So, after the stuffing was done, it should have been time to stuff the birds, but they were not prepped yet. So, Sam, and I washed them and put them in pans. Glenn brought us the spice rub right as we were finishing, so Tricia rolled up her sleeves and took on the task of rubbing down the bird! The two miso-rubbed turkeys were next, and then we were waiting on the herb rub. But, Damarise needed to go run some errands and wanted company, so I stuffed the last bird before the herb rub was put on, and then left with Damarise for about 45 minutes. I expected all the turkeys to be in the oven by the time I got back, but that was not the case. We got back to the house at about noon, and the herb-rubbed turkey, which was the only stuffed one, was not in the oven yet. This worried me because stuffed turkeys take longer to bake and we were planning to eat dinner at 3pm. The turkey finally made it into an oven at about 12:30pm, but I guess that oven was left on 450 degrees for an hour before being turned down instead of only the first 30 minutes, so it ended up cooking in pretty good time.

At 3pm, Sam and decided to make the gravy because almost all the turkeys had made it to the orphanage, we were not running too far behind. Gravy is pretty quick, we just browned the flour and butter, then added the broth, sage, rosemary, and thyme and let it simmer for a while. We made gravy from one of the miso-rubbed turkeys and from the herb-rubbed. I liked the herb-rubbed gravy more, but I’m a traditionalist.

We were eating by about 4pm, which isn’t too bad - only an hour off.

The kids liked the turkey, but were not fans of most of the other dishes - they were too far out of their normal comfort zones of beans, cheese, and tortillas, but they did love all the desserts. The pumpkin pie was of course a favorite, as were the pumpkin cheesecake bars that Leticia made - those may have been more of a favorite for us volunteers! But there was also pudding, cookies, cakes, jello salad - everyone had a lot to choose from.

We wrapped up at the orphanage, cleaning and leaving leftovers for the kids, but still taking some leftovers back to Glenn’s for us too. We were back at Glenn’s by about 8pm extremely exhausted. Playing horse and entertaining kids takes a lot out of you, and being in a turkey coma doesn’t help either.

Santa Cruz giving presents to the kids!

I actually felt sick for a good two hours after eating because it was so much rich/buttery food, and I don’t get to eat a lot of that in my site. My stomach wasn’t used to it, and I of course overindulged, but it was delicious and worth the upset stomach for a little while.

I got back to my site Friday afternoon after quite the trip. Amanda and I decided to travel with Damarise and Nina all the way up to San Pedro Sula and then take a bus over to Santa Rosa and back to my site, so it was going to be about an extra hour+. We went to the grocery store in San Pedro and were all in heaven. Damarise and Nina were getting stuff to make another thanksgiving dinner for people in their sites, and Amanda and I were just walking around looking at all the amazing food that we never get in our sites, picking out a few things that we just couldn’t live with out. Amanda got a Mexican rice mix, Cheese Itz, and skittles, while I got cat litter (can’t find it around my site), lightly-buttered microwave popcorn, snap pees, and the Laughing Cow garlic and herb cheese triangles!

After waiting for a bus for an hour after the guy who sold us our ticket said it would leave in 20 minutes, we were finally on our way. We had decided to get off in Santa Rosa and eat an actual meal because we hadn’t yet all day, but just our luck, right outside of La Entrada (40 minutes away from Santa Rosa), our bus broke down. We waited for about a half an hour with the hope that it could get fixed, but then decided that we should try to either catch a ride or flag another bus because it was going to be getting dark soon. Thankfully, a bus that goes from San Pedro Sula to Gracias passed us shortly after we made our decision, and the driver and ayudante (helper) recognized me because they see me running all the time. They stopped, helped Amanda and I transfer all our stuff to their bus, saved us two seats right next to each other, and charged us 15 lempira less than everyone else that got on their bus us - a little better luck! By the time we made it to my site, it was getting dark and we were really hungry. We stopped and ordered baleads from a women who sells them right next to the bus stop, and then got a moto taxi up to my house because we were both too tired and exhausted to walk up the stairs you can’t avoid when walking up to my house.

When we got home, I finally got to try some pumpkin pie. I hadn’t quite felt like thanksgiving yet because I hadn’t had any pie. At the orphanage I was too full and hurting to try any, and we left so early Friday morning that pie didn’t sound good. So it wasn’t until Friday night that I got to finally make my thanksgiving complete and indulge on a piece of Glenn’s AMAZING pumpkin pie. I need her recipe!

Thank you Glenn for hosting such an amazing gathering!! I can’t wait to do it again next year!

The Dirty South

Twenty-eight hours on buses, 150 mosquito bites, zero turtles, six good friends, three Sobe Adrenalins, and six delicious baleadas later, I just arrived back to my site completely exhausted - but that is what’s to be expected after a weekend down in the Dirty South!

What was supposed to be a weekend working with freshly hatched seat turtles, turned into a lazy day on the beach when the last nest hatched the night we arrived - leaving us with no baby turtles to help get safely to sea.

As bummed as I was to wake up early Saturday morning to find out that we would not be able to spend our day playing with baby sea turtles, finally being down in the Dirty South, (as all the volunteers who live down there refer to it) I was ready for a day on the beach regardless! After gathering the troops - meaning the seven of us who had met to help with turtle-watch - and making our way to Cedeño - we walked along the beach to Cruz’s favorite hang-out spot. When we arrived in Cedeño and started walking to the beach, I was eagerly waiting to catch my first glimpse of the ocean. When that moment finally came, I was in heaven.

First glimpse of the Honduran Pacific Ocean!!!!

Having grown up on the water, being land-locked for so long has been a bit hard. But on Saturday, I was finally able to put my feet into the Honduran Pacific Ocean. I had heard the water down there was very warm and not refreshing when trying to cool off from the blistering-hot sun, but I was very lucky this weekend because 1- it was hot, but I could stand it and 2- the Pacific was actually refreshingly cool. This was because a few weeks ago the South was hit by practically hurricane-force winds and rain, and has yet to fully recover. I was happy I could gain some relief from the heat in the water, but that happiness was short-lived because after about three minutes in the water, I realized I was being stung all over by jelly fish.

Diving underwater to come up with blisters already forming around your wrist by a jelly fish you had accidentally broken in half with your crawl stroke, was not what I had in mind for an afternoon of swimming. But, it did flash me back to when I was in second grade on a family vacation to Florida. We arrived their right after a tropical storm and went to the beach with high hopes of lounging and swimming all day. The lounging could still be accomplished, but to mine, my mom’s, and my two sister’s surprise, we were not allowed to swim due to the jelly fish that the storm blew in. So, 17 years later, I was reduced to the same fate of sitting on the beach and staring longingly at the beautiful ocean.

Lounging on the beach with Nicaragua in the background!

I, however, did not let these jelly fish ruin my day at the beach. I soaked up some much-needed sun on my white legs, spent quality time with my friends, and lounged in hammocks. I was even able to let myself relax to the nostalgia of the boats cruising by with their 15 -25 horse Yamaha motors heading out to go fishing… it took me straight back to Port Alexander when my eyes were closed.

Hauling the outboard up the beach... not exactly the same, but the same general idea!

What truly amazed me about spending the day on the beach was that it was Cruz’s office. He is a business volunteer down there in the Dirty South, and he spends his “office hours” on that very beach. That boy ran into a bit of luck when you compare that to some of the volunteers who are sitting up at the top of mountains shivering their days away in clothes that just never seem to fully dry, in houses that are uninsulated.

The 14-hour bus ride to and from Choluteca is a bit daunting, but now that I know I can survive the heat to some extent, I know that I will be making more trips down there during the year and a half more I have here in Honduras. I will no longer let the temperature of a place discourage me from visiting somewhere- sorry Brian for missing your birthday party just because I was too frightened of the 90-100+ temperatures!

The mosquito bites...this lighting doesn't even do it justice.

Cultural Ups and Downs

The culture down here in Honduras really surprises me sometimes- people are so friendly and giving, but yet so rude at the same time.

Let me give some examples.

Yesterday, I went to an aldea about 30 minutes up the mountain from my site. The doctor, orthodontist, nurse, and I all went. The doc was doing consults for pregnant women as well as annual exams for women, the orthodontist was doing cleanings and pulling teeth, and the nurse and I were doing HIV and Syphilis tests for the pregnant women. I also gave a charla about infant nutrition because there were just as many babies and toddlers at the health center as there were women.

After Lexi and I finished all the HIV and Syphilis tests, I didn’t have anything to do, so I went with Janet (the administrative assistant) to go find oranges - everyone wanted to take a sack of oranges back home with them because, apparently, the aldea we were in is known for oranges! Janet has a lot of friends in this aldea, so she knew right were to go. We got there and we were immediately handed a cup of coffee - this is a custom here in Honduras; where ever you go, they will give you coffee or some sort of juice. I can usually speak up fast enough to skip the coffee, but this women must have seen us coming because I had no time to protest. Once the coffee was being offered to me, I couldn’t not take it. And as most of you know, I do not like coffee! So, I drank about half of it, and another custom here in Honduras is putting almost as much sugar as coffee in the coffee, so it wasn’t even that bad because it was so sweet. After visiting for a while, and hearing all about the volunteer that had lived in that aldea before, the women asked if we wanted oranges. We had actually gone to this particular house for something called a Lima, which is more of a sweet lemon than an orange, but we sure were not going to turn down the oranges. While this women’s niece went to pick the oranges, Janet and I picked Limas. After we had our bags full, the women went into her house and came out with a bag full of freshly dried black beans, then went back in and came out with two big bunches of bananas, then she ran off to a side building, and came back with a big sack of freshly dried coffee (still needed to be roasted). Then, as we were leaving, this women flagged down a guy hanging outside a nearby house and told him to help us carry our bounty up to the health center, which he didn’t even hesitate for a second to do!

Bag full of yummy oranges.

After we went back to the health center with that load, the rest of the group was jealous of our oranges, which meant it was time to go looking for more. From the health center, we could see a tree full of oranges, so we decided to make our way in that direction, and see if we could talk the owner out of a selling a couple sacks full.

When we got to the house where we saw the tree, the owners were sitting outside. When we told them we were looking for oranges, he took us out into his yard where he basically had an orchard! They let us fill up our sacks and would not accept any money. So, we filled our sacks and then went back and got the orthodontists sack and filled hers too. While we were picking, the owner - Don Avillio - was climbing trees to pick us good ones, peeling a few of each kind so we could try them, and telling us all about the different kinds. He had four different types of oranges as well as mandarins. I was very excited because one of the types of oranges he had was Navel - the way he said it, it took me a minute to realize that was what he was saying, but when I tried it, it was delicious - even better than Navel oranges in the states. Pretty sure in the States, I had only ever tried Navel; I had no idea how many different kinds of oranges their actually were.

Don Avillio picking us the best oranges.

So, besides just yesterday’s friendliness, on an everyday basis, if you go visit somebody, they will not let you leave their house with out giving you something - whether it is coffee, juice, mangos, oranges - what ever they have available. And, this is even when they don’t really have anything for themselves and their family - they will literally give you the last bit of food they have! I have found that if you try to say no thank you that you hurt their feelings, so it is better to just accept what ever they are offering you - even if it is a cup of coffee that you really don’t want to drink.

However, to now go the other direction and talk about how the Honduran culture is very far on the rude side.

For example: When you are introduced to someone here in Honduras, the person you meet has no problem picking out your most distinguishing feature and commenting on it. So, for me, when I meet people, everyone says “oh, que gordita” (translation: oh, how chubby you are). How is that in any way acceptable? In the U.S. if someone were to say that to a person they just met, that person would most likely never talk to them again. But here, it is just the cultural norm. In the aldea yesterday, I picked up a sack of oranges that the other women had no idea how they were going to transport, and just threw it over my shoulder and started walking. The response to that “Ella esta bien gorda, pero que fuerte!” (translation: she is fat, but very strong!) Having been in Honduras for about 8.5 months now, I can let these comments slide. It took me a while to be able to just let them go, and of course they still make me cringe a little bit - nobody wants to be constantly reminded about how chubby they are - but I’m starting to be able to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Bus passengers - that is where a very rude/pushy side comes out. When there are multiple people waiting for a bus, Hondurans will do what ever they can to squeeze and push their way to the front of the line to get on the bus first. And then, when walking through the isles, they will smack your head with their hands, elbows, purses, and/or backpacks without flinching or saying sorry. And being the gringa that I am, I always get stared at. Hondurans have not problems just straight up staring at people - especially white people. They will turn themselves all the way around in their seat and stare at you for an entire 40 minute bust ride (and this is not only men; the women do it too)! Didn’t their mother’s ever teach them that it was not polite to stare - NO! I mean, yes, I know my blond hair and blue eyes attracts a lot of unwanted attention, but the staring just goes a little too far.

Speaking of unwanted attention - that is where the rudeness comes in again. Honduran men are like the stereotypical construction workers in the U.S. - they yell, whistle, hiss, etc. to women walking by to get their attention. I feel like a dog a lot of the time, getting hissed and whistled at constantly. I’ve started to do it back, but it usually just makes the guys laugh - which is better than them yelling “I love you baby.”

So, for the most part, the generosity and friendliness outweighs the rude/pushiness of Hondurans, but somehow it is always so much easier to think and focus on the rude/pushy things. It is nice to take a moment and reflect on the nicer aspects of the Honduran culture, and I am going to try and make an effort to keep those in mind when I find myself getting frustrated with Honduras.

Our bounty after a day of collecting oranges :)

Leave Su Propio Trail!

Written October 5th

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
Harold R. McAlindon

To be quite honest, I have no idea who Harold R. McAlindon is, but I really like this quote! It sums up my thoughts exactly. As one of the young people of today, I feel like it has been drilled into our heads pretty hard that we need to be ourselves, not conform, and stray away from the pack. And, I think we have done a pretty good job at accomplishing that. The last few years, Peace Corps, America Corps, Teach For America, and all the other volunteer organizations that are available, have seen huge influxes in applications. This of course has a bit to do with the countries economic problems, but I would also like to assume it is reflecting the sentiments (pensamientos) of my generation.

Yes, I know that trail has already been broken, but it is not fully formed - so following it is a bit more challenging than most of the other routes that people tend to follow: marketing, business and alike - making the big bucks!

Today I have been given the perfect opportunity to reflect on my life. Have I taken the road less traveled?

I have been out of the United States for more than seven months. I got off the plane a couple hours ago at the Miami airport after living in Honduras for the past seven months as a member of the Peace Corps. I have only been a volunteer for the past four and a half months, but was in training before that. So right now, as I am travel back to Alaska for a quick trip to see my sister get married, I am faced with reality. Now that I am not in Honduras, living my life day by day because that is the only thing I can do, I am forced to look back and reflect.

Miami was a good airport to fly into - I found myself speaking Spanish every now and then just out of pure habit, but it was ok because in Miami chances are whoever you are speaking to can speak Spanish, too. I know this week is going to be a whirlwind for me, and I am going to arrive back in Honduras not knowing what hit me and not knowing how to get back into my grove, but I will overcome it! And what I have realized today is that I am excited to go back!

Having been in Honduras for seven months now, I have seen plenty that is very hard for to see - very hard for me to accept, most of which I have talked about at some point. Seeing infants and toddlers being given coffee, cookies, candy and chips is hard to watch because then you see all the young kids a little bit older with their teeth rotting out and signs of malnutrition. I see women being treated like men’s property every day. I see garbage covering every inch of the ground and people just tossing their trash out of bus windows like the ground is one big trashcan. I see men wasting away of alcoholism, and the effects it has on their wives and children. I see the infidelity of basically every man in Honduras, and in many case women too. Then I also see how this then effects the young children who are now getting pregnant and getting people pregnant - as well as the boys who are 11 years old and up who holler at me when I walk by like construction workers on lunch break.

But, having all this in my face all day every day, I still am able to keep my chin up. There was always that possibility of when I got back to the states I would not want to go back to Honduras, but that is not the case for me. I know I have only been in airports all days, but I am eager to go back and continue my work. I know I am not going to have that big of an impact on the lives of people in Honduras, but I will at least be able to have somewhat of an impact on the people in my site.

Having been in Honduras for the last seven months, I have met a lot of Peace Corps volunteers, but I have also met a lot of other people who chose to travel to another country to help in what ever form they can. These are mostly JIKA volunteers (the Japanese form of Peace Corps) and missionaries, and then people just coming as part of a small church group project - I don’t know if that is technically classified as missionaries as well, but I separate them in my mind.

I had the honor of meeting a couple from Minnesota last week. They came to my site to visit on their way to a meeting in Copan. They come to Honduras every year to fit people for prescription eye glasses. I’m pretty sure that they told me they do it with their church, but I could be mistaken. They will be returning in February to fit people for eye glasses again and are going to need translators. Amanda and I told them we would be more than happy to help out. But, it was great to meet them and see the impacts they had had on people’s lives. The women, Kay, she pointed out a couple people that were still wearing the glasses they had fitted them for the year before who were very happy with them. Then Hector, I shouldn’t have favorites, but he is my favorite kid in town, he came over to say hi, and Kay asked me to ask him if he remembered them from the previous year. And he did - it was adorable. He held his hands up to his eyes and made eye glasses. He was 10 years old when they came last year, but Hector will remember them his whole life, as will the people who can now see because of them.

I did, of course, also meet some people who were not happy with the crew that came to fit people for glasses. One thing about Hondurans is that they will never pass up an opportunity for free things - no matter what it is. The only reason anyone ever goes to meetings is because there is always a merienda (snack). So, last year when the eye-team was in my site fitting people for glasses, apparently a line wond its way down the street everyday the team was there. But, of course, not everyone needs glasses, so some of the people who were tested and told they didn’t need glasses, were not very happy. They wanted their“free gift” from the Untied States, and the sun glasses being passed out were not adequate for some of the people who went in for fittings.

But, you can’t please everyone. That is something all volunteers have to make themselves realize very quickly as we are not only around for a couple weeks - we are in site for two years! So, if you go in thinking you can please everyone, you will be very disappointed and your two year stint as a Peace Corps volunteer will be very trying. Someone is always going to think that what are you are doing could be done better, or possibly shouldn’t be done. Family planning and teen pregnancy prevention are two things that cause a lot of controversy! There are always people that don’t think kids should learn about condoms, and there are always people that don’t think women should use family planning methods. If it were up to those people, kids would start having babies at age 14 and just keep popping them out until they physically couldn’t anymore.

I’m excited now, though. I have been flying and sitting in airports all day, but all I can think about is what I am going to start doing once I get back “home!” I want to start a women’s group and a youth group, I want to start giving exercising classes, I want to work with the group of pregnant women, and I want to make more of an effort to go to all the nearby aldeas (small villages) on the days that babies get weighed so I can give nutrition charlas to all the mothers!

People in my site all talk about the past Peace Corps volunteers who have been there and the great things they did. So, I hope that after my two years in site that they will all talk about me in the same, proud way. I want them to see the differences that I will hopefully make, and then be able to continue on with the projects that I started - teaching teen pregnancy prevention, informing women about family planning options, teaching everyone about proper nutrition, and teaching women that they are not meant to be a man’s “property.” I will be happy if even one of those things sticks with the people after I leave in two years!

So, for now, I am headed to Alaska, and am so excited to see my family, and at this point I feel like next week when I get back to Honduras I am going to be revitalized and ready to jump in head first and make things happen!

Where did September go?

Written Sept 27

These last three weeks seem to have really screamed by. I was at reconnect, and then I got home, and had to go to Lucerna to do my annual report (twice), so I was out of site quite a bit. I was in site all last week, but it went from Monday to Friday in a heart beat. There was no school on Friday, which meant no class with my 5th and 6th grade boys, so it felt like Satruday! Now, it is Tuesday again, and the Women’s Health Work Shop starts tomorrow! Catie, Taryn and I have been preparing for this for a while now, but the fact that it is actually here already, scares me. I am very nervous. This will be my first time as a facilitator for a work shop, and my first time having to speak in Spanish in front of a lot of people. I have done charlas, but that is to no more than 15 or 20 people at a time. There will be about 50 at this work shop. I have not decided if the fact that half of them are other volunteers is a good thing or a bad thing, yet. Sometimes I feel like other volunteers judge way more than Hondurans. Really, Hondurans don’t judge; they understand that we are still learning and tend to be impressed even when your Spanish is pretty minimal! But, other volunteers judge based on how long you have been in Honduras. I know it is true; I have done it. When you meet someone that has been in Honduras for a while now, you think to yourself whether or not their Spanish is up to par with what you think it should be. So, hopefully I don’t get judged to harshly this week. I know I’m struggling - I guess I could have done more to prepare for this week, but I have been pretty busy actually preparing the material that practicing Spanish tended to get pushed to the back burner.

Besides getting ready for this workshop, it has been the feria in my site, which means a lot has been going on. There have been fiestas every weekend, and coronations for the princess and queen of the feria. Also, there have been horse races and a rodeo. I unfortunately missed the rodeo, but I know I will have another opportunity while here in Honduras. I am very bummed that I will be missing the events this week, though. Friday night is the competition for the “Rey Feo” (Ugly King). From what I’ve heard around my community it is a hilarious event! A bunch of guys dress up as women and get up on stage and tell everyone all the latest gossip. I’m actually a little nervous about the gossip part. I know everyone always gossips about me. According to the town gossip, I have about five boyfriends in my town. Basically any time someone sees me talking to a person of the opposite sex, that person is then thought to be my boyfriend. So, hopefully nothing too terrible is said about me during the competition. That is probably one of the larger reasons I want to be there for that particular event - so I can hear what they say about me, but I know it would also be hilarious to see a bunch of Honduran men dressed up as women. It would be a site to see, especially because Honduran men are so machismo that I would never have expected any of them to be ok with dressing up as women.

On another note…

Something happened to me last week that I didn’t think would ever happen to me during my 2-year Peace Corps experience. I got a call from the Country Director, and it, unfortunately, was not a call congratulating my great work here in Honduras. It was a call because Emily was worried about “my current behavior!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The first thing that ran through my mind, was of course “What on Earth could I have done to merit a call from the Country Director?” I was in shock. So, the reason for the call! This blog! Can you believe it? Apparently someone ready by blog about jaloning and felt the need to share it with the Country Director.

Jaloning is not something the Peace Corps looks very highly upon - and I completely understand that. It can be dangerous and who knows what can happen. But, I guess the fact that I was not doing it by myself made me feel safe, and I didn’t even thinking about that fact that Peace Corps would look at it as a security risk. Two of the jalons that we took that trip were in the cabs of trucks and with people from my site, so that is not “bad” in Peace Corps terms, but it was the 1-hour jalon from Comayagua to Siguat that was the cause for alarm. We rode in the back of a truck, it was on a main road, and we did not know the people driving. I can completely understand why this was cause for concern, but in our defense, there were three of us together, so getting raped was not on our minds - we unfortunately forgot that we are in Honduras and these men could easily have been drug lords or people running from drug lords… who knows!

So - a word of caution for the rest of you Peace Corps folks. Don’t take rides from strangers!!!! The reality of where we are - Honduras - needs to be enough to make us be cautions. As Juan Carlos just informed us, Honduras is no longer just the most dangerous Peace Corps country, it is now the most dangerous country in the United States (besides those countries that are in wars).

So, no rides from strangers, friends!!!!

And, as a second caution - think before you post. When writing blogs, always remember that when you least expect it, someone from Peace Corps can read it. So, when writing, try to keep that in mind!

The Ebb and Flow

I have been having a rough couple of days here in Honduras. I don’t know what brought it on, or why, but as our lovely country assistant director, Brian calls it - I’m in the ebb of the volunteer ebb and flow - Like the tides. During a Peace Corps service, according to Brian, all volunteers go through this ebb and flow, multiple times. When you are in the flow, you feel like you are completing the goals that you set out and that you are truly helping the country you are living in. But, when you are in the ebb, you feel like nothing you do is working, that you are not doing what you set out to do, and that you being in your country is teetering on pointless.

So, me being in an ebb right now is not a good place to be. I am not in too deep, thankfully, and hopefully this is a high, low tide, but it is happening nonetheless. I have been trying to figure this out, and I think I have come to some kind of conclusion. Living in a country where the customs are just so unbelievably different, it takes a toll on you. I have been here for almost seven months now, and I think it is just starting to all catch up to me.

What exactly am I talking about. I will give you some examples of things that I see pretty much on a daily basis that have been hard to adapt to.

Let me start with something that happened this afternoon. Amanda and I were sitting in a coffee shop, when a little boy came up and asked for money. We have decided giving money to the little kids who beg is not a good idea because more likely than not, they are going to give it to their parents, who will then buy booze. So, when we have food, we will give that to the kids instead. Today, however, we did not have food to give him, so we had to send him on his way. After he made his rounds around the tables in the coffee shop, he walked up to the garbage can, opened it, grabbed an almost empty coffee drink and proceeded to finish it. Amanda and I couldn’t even watch; we turned away the second that used cup with who-knows-what inside hit his lips. It was just too much to watch. A little boy - probably about 11 years old - going through the trash and eating/drinking whatever he could get his hands on. It was enough to make me want to give him some money, but I literally have none to give until my next paycheck hits the bank next week.

This was heart-retching, and the fact that I see it every single day - little kids that don’t have enough to eat, walking around without shoes and without parents to take care of them. Who knows, they probably have parents, but if they are walking around begging, I don’t think their parents are doing such a great job. It is hard seeing this and not being able to do anything. I am only one person, in one little community, volunteering in a foreign country, but how am I helping these little kids - what is going to happen to them?

Last week, in the same location - Amanda and I love to meet in the café by the bus terminal because it has air conditioning and cold frappe drinks - the perfect way to relax on a hot, sunny Honduran afternoon. So, last week when Amanda and I were there, we were watching all the little babies around us because, yes, we are going through a little bit of baby fever. We want to hold every baby we see - in Spanish you say chiniar. We probably say “I want to chiniar that baby” about 20 times a day (our spanglish is getting great). So, as we were baby stalking, we noticed the family in the corner of the café, and they had an adorable little girl. She looked like she was probably about 6 months old. She was sitting on her dad’s lap, holding her head up by herself, and holding her cup by herself, so we were guessing 6-9 months. But, the part that was almost unbearable to see was that the “cup” this little girl was drinking out of was a granita de café, which is the Espresso Americano café’s version of a frappe. A 6-month old drinking a frappe. As U.S. citizens we were pretty horrified by this scene, but as health volunteers in the Peace Corps, we were completely horrified.

Nutrition is one of my passions here in Honduras. On a daily basis - multiple times a day - I witness terrible nutrition habits by Hondurans. I’m not trying to pretend like I have perfect nutrition, but I do know what I should and shouldn’t eat, even if sometimes I chose to ignore it. I see infants and toddles being given candy, chips and coke for snacks instead of something as simple and cheap as a banana. Nobody drinks water - it is all coke and coffee. People eat about 4 corn tortillas with every meal (and in these parts, one tortilla is about the size of 3). People fry tier food in so much grease that I could probably cook for a week after one egg gets fried. But, I don’t say anything when I see these things. These people have had these habits for their whole lives and just simply telling them something is not going to make a difference. I need to set up charlas (talks) and cooking demonstrations to try and make the information really stick. But, when I saw a 6-month old baby drinking a frappe, it was all I could do to not start going off at that family. I had so many things I would have liked to say to them, but I didn’t do anything. What good would it have done? Having a gringa walk up to their table and tell them it is bad to give their little baby coffee and sugar (all that a granita is) would not have accomplished anything. They would probably just say, “oh we gave all our kids these, and look. they are fine.” So, as much as I wanted to do something, I didn’t. Amanda and I just sat there talking about how much we couldn’t believe what they were doing. The inability to make an impact and or alter people’s bad habits gets a little overwhelming after a while.

Ok - one more thing I will take a minute to talk about - Hondurans and relationships. We were told all through training about how Honduran men work. They are all the same, they told us. Anyone who is married, probably has a couple other women on the side, and any man you find that says he is single probably still has a girlfriend or even a wife, and probably a couple kids, too. This is just something we have to accept, and live with. But, I have found it slightly challenging. There are a lot of men in my site, that I know have wives/kids, but they still hit on me, ask me for my number, tell me how they want to be with me, and ask me to take them with me when I go back to the States. It isn’t even just that they are doing it with me. I have a few Honduran guy friends that I know have girlfriends or are married that then ask me for my friends numbers (Hondurans and other volunteers). I just don’t understand how they think that is OK. Part of me wants to tell the wives and girlfriends about their crummy men, but to be honest, I’m sure they already know. It is so hard being such a strong, independent women living in this country. Seeing women be walked on everyday of their lives is so hard. I just want to grab them, shake them, and ask them why the heck they stay with a guy that treats them like dirt - why they tolerate that behavior? But, it is just “part” of the Honduran culture. People know about it, accept it, and chose to ignore it - everyone chooses to live their lives in ignorance that they bring on themselves.

On this same topic, the piropos (cat calls) are starting to hit a little deeper nerve with me these days. I can handle the “hola me amor,” “hola gringa.” “ay, que bonita/linda/guapa/preciosa,” anything men decided to holler at me, doesn’t seem to phase me, but when they do the noise, it makes my blood boil. It is a noise like someone calling a dog over to them - “Tsssss, tssssss!” For some reason, everyone here seems to think that calling a women over like she is a dog, is ok. But, I find it unacceptable. The last few times that a guy has done it to me, I have turned around and done it back to them, but in a very snotty way. They usually just think it is hilarious. Before, I just ignored the piropos, but I get so angry having men call me like a dog, that I am having trouble ignoring it now. I know I need to keep my tempter in check, and ignoring them draws much less attention than piropoing them back, but I just feel like I have to make a stand. There are so many things that I have to ignore and not say anything about while living in Honduras, that being able to do something about these cat calls, makes me feel like I have some sort of control over my life. I know that I don’t really have any control over my life right now, which makes this all so much harder.

Having Peace Corps put more rules and regulations on top of all the other ones that we already had, has probably added to the beginning stages of my current “ebb.” I was looking forward to meeting all my friends for Halloween,, and now being told I CAN’T, has been hard. In the Peace Corps when you are working so hard to “make a difference in the world,” which usually feels like a daunting task, reunions with familiar people are very important - I know that Peace Corps understand that, so the fact that they have implemented these new safety/security precautions just makes me realize the severity of the security situation in Honduras. How long will Peace Corps Honduras be around - will I be able to finish my two years here? Two questions that find their way to the front of my brain, and don’t really help with my current state of mind.

What else is there left for them to take?

Today we got a bright and cheery e-mail from our Country Director. That was complete sarcasm. In the e-mail we were strictly told that we will not be able to go to Copan Ruinas for Halloween, and if we do we will be administratively separated from the Peace Corps. We were also informed that we are no longer allowed to have goodbye or welcome parties for volunteers that are COSing or just arriving in sites. This is due to the fact that apparently us volunteers in Honduras have been repeatedly dismissing the safety/security warnings about excessive alcohol consumption and late-night hours.

This news has bummed out, I'm pretty sure, every single volunteer in Honduras! Ya, i don't drink, but I am still a huge fan of meeting up with all the other volunteers in my area when the opportunity presents itself, and I was very excited to go to Copan Ruinas for Halloween! I will still make it over there eventually, but not for Halloween, I guess.

This has come as a surprise to most of the volunteers I have talked to about this since I read the e-mail about an hour ago. We all know and understand the Peace Corps Honduras is one of the high-risk countries, and so we all try to make the best of it. We stay in our sites and work, and then every so often are able to get together with other gringo/english speakers to take a break from our harsh realities for a moment. But, now PC has taken that away from us. Yes, we can still meet a few people here and there, but the fact that they are choosing to run our lives like this, makes things very frustrating.

I understand that there is a fine line between safe and out of control. When you have 45 gringos running around the streets of a city, probably a little out of control, but the fact of the matter is, i don't think any Hondurans would have the guts to try and rob that many gringos at one time! And as for safety - we all see things happen everyday that are scary and make us realize we are not in "kansas" anymore. We are most likely going to be robbed on a bus at some point during our stay here in Honduras, and we will probably see a dead person, too...these things are going to happen whether we are in a big group of gringos or solo - so why take our one last chance at sanity?

It said in the e-mail from our Country Director that we can't act like we did in the United States and go out and get drunk and crazy, and that ignoring the warnings of the Peace Corps could land us thrown out of country!!! That is enough to make most of us listen to these new policies, but we will do so begrudgingly!

Bellow is the letter that our Country Director forwarded us from the regional safety and security officer.

TO: Volunteers in Honduras

FROM: Carlos J. Torres, Regional Director for the Inter-America & Pacific Region

DATE: September 13, 2011

RE: Safety and Security

The safety and security of Peace Corps Volunteers is the Peace Corps’ highest priority.

We devote significant resources to providing Volunteers with the training, support, and

information they need to stay healthy and safe. At your post and here at Headquarters,

we are diligent in monitoring data, trends and promising practices to promote safe service

experiences for our Volunteers around the world.

The security environment for Volunteer service varies greatly across our 70+ countries of

operations. Many countries in Latin America have unique crime environments, including

countries where the State Department classifies crime as “critical” and where the Peace

Corps observes a higher incidence of crimes against Volunteers. Many of these

countries, including yours, are fantastic for meaningful Volunteer service and achieving

the Peace Corps’ three goals. However, the security environment requires greater

diligence and effort on the part of Volunteers, post staff, and the team here at

Headquarters as we work in our shared responsibility to promote Volunteer safety and

security. As a veteran of living and working in Latin America for over 30 years, I am

personally aware of this reality and I am fully committed to doing everything possible to

work with your Country Director to promote a safe, productive Volunteer experience.

Through this commitment and based on analysis of trends and practices in Latin America

and across the Peace Corps globe, I am asking you, your Country Director and your

Peace Corps post to adopt a series of reforms and policy changes. These reforms and

policy changes are aimed entirely at impacting the safety and security of Volunteers in a

positive way.

Specifically, I am asking for the following:

• Implementation of a 2-year host family stay program for new Volunteers;

• Time spent Out of Community for personal reasons (Personal Leave) cannot

exceed 3 overnights per month;

• Prohibition of large overnight gatherings of Volunteers, such as “despedidas” and

Halloween, due to security risks resulting from alcohol consumption and late-night

hours, unless pre-approved by the Country Director;

• We strengthen additional safety and security related policies of Volunteer

Handbooks, such as enforcement of Whereabouts and Travel policies;

• We strengthen the analysis of statistics, monitoring of data and mapping to assist

posts to monitor crime environments;

• We reduce the numbers of Volunteers which will enable us to enhance Volunteer

support;

• Further strengthen site identification and preparation; and,

• Increase the number of field /site visits provided by the Peace Corps to our

Volunteers in their host communities during service, particularly in the first six

months of service.

Through this memorandum I am asking that you work together with the staff and

leadership at your post to ensure successful implementation of these reforms and policy

changes. I realize some may not come easily, involve a change in the way we have done

business in the past, and require flexibility and adaptability on all of our parts.

I fully recognize there is no single answer which will provide a solution to the crime

environment in many Peace Corps countries around the world. However I do believe that

working together, as Volunteers, post staff, and Headquarters, we can and should take all

necessary actions that will mitigate risk for current and future Volunteers. That is the

sole intention of the reforms and policy changes that we are implementing in Honduras.

Thank you for your service.